GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING, esteemed viewers! My name is Salendar Monoto, once again your ever-entertaining host for another thrilling episode of Bright Side News! Before I do anything, Gale - that's the manager here - is complaining that I never engage with the audience! Because of this insane attitude towards news reporting, I have to answer an email from you guys today.
_*The Lizardfolk picks up a non-descript laptop from beneath the desk, places it carefully on the desk, and opens it.*_
Let's see here... Complaint about my behaviour... Behaviour complaint... My rent is due... Hah! Must be a prank email, they said they don't like me! ... Oh, here's one!
_*Salendar leans in. Straining to read the screen.*_
Ok... Wishing a mediocre birthday to Snoob, from Honeywood village! The BSN team is thrilled to have you with us. Apparently.
*_With zero regard for the safety of the device, Salendar shoves the laptop off the side of the desk, barely missing a vase of wilted flowers. A loud crash ensues._*
Now, to business! Our first story takes us to the bustling city of Sitardûl, where rumours are swirling about an underground magical market that appears only under the light of the full moon. Known as the Lunar Bazaar, this surprisingly popular marketplace offers a dizzying array of enchanted goods, from potions that grant temporary flight to amulets that bestow the gift of tongues. But gaining entry to this mystical market is no easy feat; prospective buyers must solve a series of cryptic riddles and navigate a labyrinthine network of secret passages hidden beneath the city streets... It's in the sewers. I don't know who wrote this script, but they mean it's in the sewers. The lucky few who manage to find their way are rewarded with treasures beyond their wildest dreams! However, there are whispers of darker forces at play within the Lunar Bazaar... So, why is it in the news? Well, three people last week failed to leave the market before 4am, and haven't been seen since. There's talk of shutting down the magical marvel for the sake of public safety, but doing so could kill the city's economy... Sitardûl is not an interesting place, there is literally no other reason to visit.
For our next story, one of hope. The Dwarven war bands in the Elkshorn region have finally made their true intentions known! Until two days ago, a great dragon lived in the caves below Elkshorn Azalea. As you probably know, over-hunting adventures have all but eliminated the dragon species from Volaven, and only a few of each kind remain. Much less well known is that the Dwarves in Mother's Crown - that's pinèaerãa mountain range - keep most of the living dragons contained, for the sake of conservation! Between these Dwarven war parties, a few wizards and of course the Rangers Guild, the dragon had been safely transported back to Mother's Crown! The beast caused only two deaths, and is now named Peter. Visitors to Mother's Crown can see Peter for only five iron! More importantly, the Dwarves have agreed to work alongside Rangers in future, in a partnership known as the Steel Fang Union! Assuming no terrible mishaps for the next month, the Steelfangs could usher in a new era of peace and safety amongst our combined populations!
Now for a story more in keeping with BSN's usual style. Imagine, if you will, a comfortable living room. A cosy room with dim lights, obscenely low coffee tables, arm chairs with deep cushions…peaceful, isn't it? Well, as with all good things in life, this scene is threatened by a dark mage from across the Tiberian sea! For the last few centuries since the War of Two Gods, peaceful trade with Tiberia had relied on the trade of magical elven pinèaerã wood. This wood is famed for its ability to withstand hard impacts with the strength of steel, and to bend like fabric on a soft touch. This strange property had made pinèaerã wood highly sought after for furniture and battle wagons alike. These chairs are usually imported at the town of Seafall, a town whose guard force is currently being overwhelmed in a defence effort against militant furniture. Reports say that the marauding chairs bounce with vicious force, taking down guards with blows like ballista bolts. What remains of the guard force are fortifying the town hall, and crying out for aid from surrounding cities. With each desperate plea comes news of a far worse threat…the army of chairs appears to be building some kind of workshop, converting regular furniture into engines of war! How long until the final defences are breached? Will the incursion stop at Seafall? Why hasn't anyone tried setting the pinèaerã on fire yet? Stay tuned, and we might bother to answer those questions!
And now, once again, it's time to wrap up our episode. If you have any stories of your own to share, please contact is at 0800-notmyproblem-1701, and appreciate how great the music is when I put you on hold. See you again next week, and until then, thank you all for tuning in to Bright Side News, where the glass is always one tenth full!
