GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND EVERYTHING INBETWEEN, my name is Salendar! I will be your host this fine day, ready to take you away on an enchanting adventure through the peculiar and fantastical tales that make our magical world oh-so-magical. Excuse the spectral glow, I'll be alive again in a day or two. I get paid per episode not per hour, so let's get a move on! Three stories for you tonight, as there are every week, ranging from griffin gourmet to mermaid music! Lucky for you, no-one is willing to sponsor a spectral lizard, so we don't yet have adverts.
In a twist that's tastier than a Nullorian crepe, Griffins from lofty peaks to deep valleys have traded their fierce roars for fiercer critiques. Yes, you heard it right. These majestic creatures have taken up the mantle of food critics, and already have a reputation for being the cruellest around. Already, a griffin critic has simultaneously broken records for fastest rate of speech and most swears spoken in a minute, shortly after eating an under cooked fairy. As you can imagine, G.R.O.W.L aren't happy about cooking fairies, G.R.O.W.L of course being the Guild for the Rights of Other-Worldly Life. Are we in for a culinary revolution, or will the foul language and fairy rights issues this early in the business leave a bad taste in our collective mouths? Stay tuned to possibly find out next week!
And whilst food critics are going up in the world, music has hit a new low. Dive into the oceans around Nullore any time in the next two months, as mermaids from the Coral Symphony to the Abyssal Opera House compete for the coveted title of the Oceanic Artist of the Year! Or OATY, as some locals have started calling it, I assume in mockery. From enchanting vocals that rival the sirens' song to seashell harp solos that echo through underwater caverns, the competition is fierce. Will the ocean floor witness a new star rising, or will the contestants be swept away by the tides of the competition? Join us as the underwater world hosts a talent show that'll make dryad singers look like a banshee! Welp, I bet that joke won't put us in legal trouble.
Back on land, we're also causing a splash - that writer is getting a payrise. iIn a story that's hotter than a yeti in the summer, the majestic beings known for their fiery breath and scales are facing a peculiar issue – their love lives are going up in smoke! Amidst hoarding gold and terrorising villages, dragons are struggling to find compatible partners. With their penchant for solitary living, a group of matchmaking wizards has stepped in to organise a dragon dating service. Will these mythical creatures find love amidst the flames, or are they destined for a lifetime of solo flights and lonely roars? One thing's for certain, the rate of dragon attacks has doubled in the past four hours, once again damage caused by wizards that we can't make wizards pay for. I personally think this is a stupid idea that's going to get us all killed and cause dragon overfeeding issues down the line, but hey, I'm just a genius, what do I know. Perhaps healing these fiery hearts is the path to---
*The sound of papers rustling fills the room, as Sally looks puzzled by the script*
Perhaps healing these fiery hearts is the path to a phoenix's rebirth for the kingdom? Who the hell wrote that? I... ugh, moving on.
Unfortunately, that's all the time we have for this week's episode! Getting these stories discovered, researched, scripted, recorded and broadcasted whilst it's still relevant is harder than you think! If you'd like to make our lives here at the studio a little easier, share your stories at 0800-notmyproblem-1701, and we might even give you an underwhelming prize for your contribution! Until then, thank you for tuning in to Bright Side News, where the glass is always one tenth full!
