GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING, Ladies, Gentlemen, and viewers of every variety in between! My name is Salendar, and I'm your eternal host for the one and only Bright Side News! We've got a show packed with wonders and weirdness today, so I hope you're ready for a fun one. It's once again the special day of the week where I get to remind you of all those things that are wrong with my studio, your city, and everyone else's lives! I decided to scout out our competition, it turns out that we are not the one and only Bright Side News. Turns out, really common name. Without further ado, let's get into proving we're the best bright side news!
In the outskirts of Elkshorn, a mysterious carnival has set up its tents, drawing crowds from all around to witness with shock and awe what they call the clockwork circus. This mechanical menagerie boasts clockwork animals, mystical creatures, and performers with all the most peculiar abilities, including but not limited to flying mechanical owls, wyverns, a unicorn, a woman who seems impervious to fire, and a man with stretchy skin. Visitors are drawn to the eerie charm, but I decided to delve a little deeper, and you wouldn't believe backstage... I found my way to their camp through completely legal means, and within five minutes I'd already found two vampires returning from a hunt, a werewolf in a box, and not one, not two, but three eldritch horrors trying to drag the performers to alternate planes of existence. I've been around a fair while, and I've seen a lot of strange things, but trust me. You do not want to go to that circus. There's only one circus you want to go to, and it's the circus that is any day in Nullore...
On the topic of chaotic things you don't want, Bright Side News has never had a weather forecast. We assume the majority of people can open a window, look outside, and determine the weather for themselves. I said as much at our last company meeting. *We do not* need a weather forecast. Which is why it brings me such joy to tell you wonderful viewers that we still don't have a weather segment! The divination wizards we hired to foresee the weather have all been fired overnight. Over the last three days, Nullore has suffered unnatural thunderstorms - plural - raining quartz, and flooding of exclusively local ponds, because the wizards we hired have decided to spice things up a bit. They've taken it upon themselves to add a touch of chaos magic to the mundane weather patterns, and now the entire city is wondering why the weather is as unpredictable as a goblin with a daffodil - for those of you who don't know much about goblins, never, ever give one a daffodil. They don't know what they'll do with one, and neither do you. As always, our attempts at improvement have backfired spectacularly.
Deep within the heart of the Grand Archive, the great scribes of Loreholt have announced an enchantment they've placed upon their books, to celebrate the opening of a local theatre. When opened, the books will now display in magical animated ink, a dramatic recreation of the book's events! Readers enter a world where books communicate, pages turn themselves, and stories come to life. As the Living Library grows, so does its influence, raising questions about the ethical use of this newfound knowledge. Many question the validity of these new books, expressing concern that animators may misinterpret or intentionally misrepresent the author's intended message, radically changing the meaning of books or poems. A whole new method of censorship, ripe for me-- uh, ripe for unnamed animators to exploit, potentially teaches masses of children that the moral of 'the boy who cried wolf' is to never trust your friends, because when you need them most, they'll pretend they can't hear you. Or maybe that werewolves are more reliable than people. Regardless of these issues, BSN is determined to get their hands on this magical technology, and start releasing printed newspapers again... they're trying to replace me. It won't happen. Unlike the circus woman, I happen to know that this studio is flammable.
And with that thinly veiled threat, we have yet another episode of Bright Side News under our belt! If we keep going at this rate, We'll become the ONLY Bright Side News in no time! Tune in next week for more tales of the realms, and you want to fan the creative flames before I fan actual flames in the studio, submit your stories to us at 0800-notmyproblem-1701! Until then, thank you for listening to Bright Side News, where as always, the glass is always one-tenth full!
