Salendar sits in his usual seat, but he is anything but usual. his stained shirt has it's top button open, visible under a loosely hung tie. Dark rings circle the presenter's eyes. Upon his desk sits a barely legible script, alongside an ashtray, a bottle, and a small tumbler. Upon the ashtray sits a cigar, deep blue smoke curling lazily from it, setting the small studio under a slight haze of blue. The bottle, devoid of markings, is partially filled with a translucent brown liquid. The tumbler contains only remnants of the same liquid. Upon closer inspection, the stains on his shirt are of a similar colour.
Good morning ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between. My name is Salendar, and I'm your host for today. Today is Sunday. we publish on Saturdays. A day late and 20 gold short. Dearest viewers, we had to fire three members of staff yesterday for this error. someone broke our only printer, so we couldn't get a script circulated. As I speak, the ink is still cooling on the script in front of me. We also don't have _enough_ ink, so it's printed in light red. Isn't life just wonderful. Welcome to Bright Side News, our name is deceptive and the world is in ruins!
A travelling circus has pitched its tall and vibrant tents, featuring acrobats with seemingly impossible abilities. These gravity-defying performers soar through the air, executing feats that challenge the very laws of physics. They literally do break the laws of physics - the circus master is being sued for false advertisement, having failed to state that their tricks involve the use of magic. The deception is being cited as an endangerment of public lives, as idio- uh, witnesses of these spectacles attempt to recreate the incredible acts. I would love to tell you the name of the circus, or who sued them, or even where the circus is, but unfortunately a recently unemployed researcher neglected to find out, so here we are.
Deep within the forests of Wilbrook, a mystical maze has appeared, captivating all who dare to enter. Adventurers, thrill-seekers, and those with a curious spirit find themselves lost in a labyrinth of shifting corridors and illusions. As is usually the case with cursed and dangerous locations, legends tell of a hidden treasure at the maze's heart, but none have successfully navigated its twists and turns. Is it a test of wit, a magical trap, or a gateway to another realm? Noone knows for certain! Personally I think there's a gardener somewhere with a brilliant sense of humour and a lot of spare time spreading stories of their mystical corn maze. It's a great idea.
In the quiet corners of the world, art still scratches out a meagre existence amongst the farmyards and cult houses of the coasts. Up in one such farmyard, an eccentric artist has discovered a magical ability to bring dreams to life on canvas. I'm not one for art, but there is something unique about a dream laid out so plainly on paper. That guy has some weird dreams, let me be the first to tell you! There's this one with a dog and a washing machine, but then the washing machine is actually a kid or something, and then the dog.... ugh. Nullorian police forces have reached out to the artist to draw the dreams of suspects, in the hopes of finding their memories implicating their own guilt. Can this method become the next great advancement, or do innocent suspects of bank robberies happen to occasionally dream of bank robberies? Only time will tell!
Speaking of time, we've hit our limit for this morning I'm afraid! This is where we'll be concluding yet another episode of Bright Side News! If you have your own tales or thoughts to share, reach out to us at 0800-notmyproblem-1701! some day we'll get a website, I promise. Until next week, thank you for listening to Bright Side News, where the glass is always one-tenth full!
